Eh.

[Warning: This post might be too gay for your taste but yes, I need to vent.]

This isn't something I'd normally say outright on the worldwide web but what better place to turn to than a place where people can just judge me behind their computer screens and not in front of me. Yes. I sound like a scared little bitch. 

Have you ever thought of just wanting to disappear and never be seen? Like, getting that recurrent thought every single day?

Have you ever thought no one loves you/cares for you/likes you even if you have loving family and supporting friends everywhere? 

Are there 10001 ways to kill yourself in your mind and you're just too scared to try?

Were you emotionally strong once and now are surprised by how easily you cry over things?

Masochistic? Like emotionally and physically?

Sometimes, okay, most of the time now, I just feel so empty inside. I laugh, I cry but I don't really get to feel the extents of the joy or sadness in those times. I dunno. It's been so weird feeling all this. 

Hard to believe, right? In school, I laugh the hardest, I scream the loudest, I smile a lot but yes, I feel empty. 

It's been years like this, come to think of it now and I guess the vacuum somewhere there in me is just getting stronger and stronger. I feel estranged from even the closest persons to me. Sometimes, I just lie in bed thinking of what a stranger I've become to them and what  a stranger I've to myself. 

Ugh. Yes. This post is crappy and I haven't expressed myself the way I want to and all but have you ever felt like this too?

No?

Oh.